Wakeboarding Bang Ups

Who would have thought that watching an hour's worth of wakeboaring How To's does not actually enable you with the powers of all wakeboarding gods past and present? I was sure that's how it all worked. I mean, come on, You Tube is how I learned to do a Rubik's cube, dress emo, escape from handcuffs, and even get a date so why not wakeboarding? it was with this confidence that I leveled out on top of the water - just like times before - curved left and right to let the familiarity flood back. However, when Internet inspired courage then propelled me to attempt to skid toward the curved wakes, expecting them to freely catapult me into the air, I am met only with a slap in the face... Quite literally.


A second attempt. This time my board really did hop, but more like a dolphin than a wakeboard, and when dolphins dive into the water they usually are not being pulled by a speedboat with a full grown off-balanced man strapped to their back, so my diving nose-first approach ended with considerably less grace than the before mentioned aquatic mammal.


And that's what got me thinking: why not ride a dolphin? Here I am unfamiliar with water dynamics, all while the power of nature awaits untapped with literal centuries of experience. The right bait, some clicks and squeaks, and I was set.

The details of how and why a dolphin could be in Utah Lake are plainly stated here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boto under the section labeled MYTHOLOGY*, but regardless of what ever fact you find I was successful in riding the said dolphin. Unfortunately, I was met with the same fate as before. Standing: easy; curving left and right: a breeze; successfully jumping into the air while strapped to dolphin instead of wakeboard: still surprisingly difficult.


Another slap to the face. Perhaps I need to practice more...

(*According to Wikipedia's Mythology, it's totally within reason that some Utah woman was traveling and had such an encounter.)

(**No dolphins were harmed in the making of this post.)

THE EXTREME TO DO LIST

The list of awesome things to do, AND I WILL DO THEM!

...Eventually

I need more things to do! Send in your suggestions!

• Jump Really High on Wakeboard and Attempt Flip
• Skydive
• Bungee Jump
• Skinny Dip
• Ride an Elephant
• Hold a Falcon
• Swim with Sharks
• Scuba Dive
• Backflip like Ninja
• One-and-a-half Pike Dive off of Highest Platform
• Learn the Guitar and perform
• Learn the Piano and perform
• Write a Completely Original Song
• Make a Band and Release an Album
• Go Hang Gliding
• Fly in a Helicopter
• Water Ski Barefoot
• Tear Up the Streets Parkour Style
• Race the Trax Train via Long Board
• Learn to Windsurf
• Learn to Surf and Attempt Handstand
• Ride Along with a Police Officer and Witness an Arrest
• Ride Along with an Ambulence
• Escape from Handcuffs while Blindfolded and Hanging Upside Down
• Be my own story on the News
• Become Friends with a Celebrity
• Get across the United States with 20 dollars
• Plan and Execute Dirt Poor European Surf Tour

The Paintball Champion... kicked my butt

The noise alone is enough to get my blood pumping. Like the world's most terrible hailstorm somehow beating the indoor arena's walls, barrages of paint-filled bullets echo throughout the warehouse. The match ends, players exit, new players enter. As we file in through the nets I check my mask and safety off my paintball marker (gun) before getting ready to run. The Referee's voice booms a 3-2-1 GO! and I scramble to stay behind what cover I find as the first and often most vicious volley of paint balls pelt everything in sight. A little bit of quiet sends me running to the next obstacle, sliding on my knees across the slippery painted ground, pulling the trigger on anything I see move. Luck alone shows me an enemy that doesn't see me, yet. I fire the best I can, hardly tracing which paintball goes where, until I see his arms raise into the air. Whether it was my aim or another's that claimed the kill, I can't tell, but a proud sense of accomplishment runs up and down my body, quickly followed by a murder of paintballs exploding across my back and side.


Dead.


The official count is in: 16 welts scattered evenly across my body. I'm not gonna lie here, you definitely notice when you are shot, however, the pure adrenaline negates the effects almost instantly. Besides, there are more thrills in those first few minutes than an hour of a Michael Bay film, making it well worth the higher ticket price.


We met at Paintball Addicts at 8pm on a Friday night without any reservations and simply played by ear. Every Friday is Ladies Night where females do not have to pay the general 5 dollar admission and a full rental package including all the CO2 you could need is only ten dollars. That first fifteen bucks will get you 100 paintballs, and could reasonably get you through 2 -3 games, dependant on how often you shoot. We found that for the two hours we played, splitting a bag of 500 rounds between a couple works out almost perfectly, the 500 bags costing another 20 dollars. That puts it at around 25 dollars per person, including all the supplies and 350 paintballs each (easily 7-8 games).


I learned very quickly that Paintball demands taking action, but the actions I choose usually left me even more vulnerable. In retrospect, I would suggest at least watching a game or two before leaping into the crossfire. Watch for those who seem more skilled and note which obstacles they use for cover and how they move across the field. Trust me, not all paths to the enemy are created equally, so make note of good places to find cover versus those that provide only false senses of security. Move fast and almost erratically, chances are waiting to long in one place will invite enemies to make the first move and play action hero. Bad news is that the action hero thing usually works, so move first and move smart. Do not be afraid to take chances, they may not pay off every time, but you will learn quickly about what works and what doesn't, and the few times you get it right are totally worth it. Enjoy the moment, but then quickly check your 6 o' clock or else you'll end up like I did.


Dead.

A Summer Worth Summarizing

This entry launches the "Summer worth Summarizing," during which I will attempt to fulfill one life-long dream every week. It will not be easy. To maximize my energy and prepare for obstacles big and small, I have set out first to "revamp" my life. I've set certain priorities, priorities meant to fuel my fire and aid me in achieving even the craziest of goals.

First -"Knock knock knockin' on heavens door" Increasing Spirituality. To find more faith and motivation I will make time for daily prayer, regular service, and carefully study. I will find what advice the scriptures hold on bettering oneself and how personal goals are tired to a greater good. This is absolutely necessary.
Second - "My washboard is broken, can I borrow your abs?" Living a Healthy Lifestyle. I see that my own confidence, energy, and enthusiasm are directly linked to my health. I will eat the best of foods to find the best of results. As for fitness, not only will I strengthen my body by exercising regularly, I will push myself toward peak physical appearance.
Third - "Cuz every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man" Finding Personal Style. I will dress to impress. How I dress largely expresses how I feel, and since I aim to be confident and successful, I better leave the sweatpants behind.

Pay attention for these topics to be covered by future blogs!