Wakeboarding Bang Ups

Who would have thought that watching an hour's worth of wakeboaring How To's does not actually enable you with the powers of all wakeboarding gods past and present? I was sure that's how it all worked. I mean, come on, You Tube is how I learned to do a Rubik's cube, dress emo, escape from handcuffs, and even get a date so why not wakeboarding? it was with this confidence that I leveled out on top of the water - just like times before - curved left and right to let the familiarity flood back. However, when Internet inspired courage then propelled me to attempt to skid toward the curved wakes, expecting them to freely catapult me into the air, I am met only with a slap in the face... Quite literally.


A second attempt. This time my board really did hop, but more like a dolphin than a wakeboard, and when dolphins dive into the water they usually are not being pulled by a speedboat with a full grown off-balanced man strapped to their back, so my diving nose-first approach ended with considerably less grace than the before mentioned aquatic mammal.


And that's what got me thinking: why not ride a dolphin? Here I am unfamiliar with water dynamics, all while the power of nature awaits untapped with literal centuries of experience. The right bait, some clicks and squeaks, and I was set.

The details of how and why a dolphin could be in Utah Lake are plainly stated here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boto under the section labeled MYTHOLOGY*, but regardless of what ever fact you find I was successful in riding the said dolphin. Unfortunately, I was met with the same fate as before. Standing: easy; curving left and right: a breeze; successfully jumping into the air while strapped to dolphin instead of wakeboard: still surprisingly difficult.


Another slap to the face. Perhaps I need to practice more...

(*According to Wikipedia's Mythology, it's totally within reason that some Utah woman was traveling and had such an encounter.)

(**No dolphins were harmed in the making of this post.)