Hang on.

It was Tuesday. That means I am here days later - very nearly Friday morning -straining to look back at what exactly I wanted to describe about rock climbing with Spencer's family. The cliff was unexpectedly easy to get to, and unexpectedly difficult to get up. Hiking around was easy, even if barefoot, but the climb... well, let's just say for how much I climbed in years prior, my skill in the area is still surprisingly similar to my skill when I first started. That air of familiarity that rushed to me as I met with ropes, gear, and adrenaline vanished quickly as I attempted the actual ascent. I guess I must have expected obvious hand holds and whole-palm grip, because when in reality I was faced with the slippery finger sized ridges and a large dependence of foot (more like toe) placement, I pretty well slipped up...or down, I suppose.

It's a funny thing I think, this rock climbing. I mean, the purpose is definitely not get from point A to point B as quickly as possible - at least not in this case. Spencer hiked up and around the whole cliff before I could even move the last three feet! Instead, I think the reason I like it so much is that I am proving something to myself and to nobody else, for no other reason to say that I can. It's a feeling of pure accomplishment, to conquer an obstacle that daunting. Even when the climb itself might not be that challenging, sometimes it's conquering the fear that makes us feel so victorious. A friend and I sat on the cliff's edge once, not too terribly high up, and he mentioned something about actually having somewhat of a fear of heights. Thinking about it now makes me wonder if that actually made the sport MORE appealing, not because it was scary, but because it was more of a victory for him that it might be for others.

Upon returning to the home of the Spencer Support Troop ( AKA the Parents for and in behalf of Spencer group) I was confronted by a series of questions that really made me think. I don't mean to oust any family member, but you must admit the question's make you smile, if only for their parental nature. "Do you have a girlfriend you are serious about?" Had I been in a less exhausted mood I could have responded with some joke, but I didn't have one at the time, let alone a serious girlfriend. I mean really, I could have at least said, "I don't even have one I'm sarcastic about." Anyway, the next one. "Are you looking for one?" Well, I thought, are you? For a split second I imagined 'looking' as if I had big binoculars, searching high and low. As far as I know that was not how my dad 'found' my mom, so why should I? However, it did work for that Mcfly boy in Back to the Future... Regardless, I answered that I was always taking applications. A total cowards answer which basically meant 'I don't know' without sounding like I was avoiding relationships. Finally, sometime later and from a different person: "What are you looking for in a young woman?" This one got me, not just for the fact that I didn't have a list of what I was looking for in the future Mrs. E, but because (as previously established) I had no idea if I even WAS out looking for that young woman. It was at about this time that everything seemed to pause as a thought process mirroring this whole paragraph (yes, the one you're reading now) passed right through my head within an instant. After recovering I answered simply, "I don't know," although internally all that remained was a quiet, echoing "Whoa."

Is finding that someone seriously the next step? This question is from me. Unfortunately I answer again with an 'I don't know.' But I have found a better answer for question 2. "Am I looking for one?" Well... yes, but not in the sense of going out like on some sort of hunt, like a jaguar. Instead, I'm keeping my eyes open as I do what I can. I don't believe that hunting would do any good for me (If it works for you that's fine), on the contrary, I ultimately just trust God's timing, especially over my own. I'm sure he'll deliver what I need when I need it. That, I think, should be good enough for now.